Everything Will Be Okay

看完daria最后一集，电视电影“Isitcollegeyet?”，我情绪实在太激动没办法不写一篇接近影评类的东西了。Therearelotsandlotsandlotsoffilmsandbooksaboutteenage-hood.Therealwayswereandprobablyalwayswillbe.Butthings(abominationsismorethewordforit,actually..--)likeHighSchoolMusicalonlymakelifeseemevenmorefatallydepressingthanusualafteraviewing.Thepredictablefairytaleendingsand[I]chirpiness[/I]ofitallisenoughtomakemewanttoslitmywristsinatankfilledwithstarvingsharks.In"real"life,thecuteguythatsitsnexttoyouinclassdoesn'tsharewithyouacommonpassionforHarukiMurakami.NordoeshelistentomuchelseotherthanTupac.Norcanherefrainfromfallingasleepwhenwatchingfilmsthatdon'tincludemorethan90minutesofbloodshedandgore.Nor--andthispointiscrucial--doeshelikeyou.Alsonotethatburstingintosonginthemiddleofanemptiedschoolmaybesomewhatfun,butundernocircumstanceswillasymphonystrikeupbehindyou,perfectlyawareofwhatsongyou'resingingandhappeningtoknowwhatexactlytheaccompanimentshouldsoundlike.NotthatDariaisentirelyrealisticeither.IwishIhadmyownJaneLane,andTrent,andTom.Iwishthatbeingtruthfulandsomewhatnotasvapid(hopefullyI'mnotimagingthis.xD)asmostofthepopulationofmyhighschoolwouldaffordmesomeamazinginsightaboutmyselfeveryonceinawhile.IwishthatmyparentsactuallyDOsecretlyunderstandme.IwishthatthepeopleIfindpretentiousare,infact,reallypretentious(insteadwhatIthinksometimes--thatI'mjustnotintoobscuremusic/movies/art/whateverenoughtoappreciatetheirstupidpretentioustalk.SoTHERE)...etcetcThesearebutminorpoints,though,comparedtowhatDariais,overall.Thisisgoingtomakemecringe,inafewyearsifnottomorrow..butDariaistheonethingthatforsureguarenteestheteenageoutcastasuddensurgeofwarmthtothebosomandastrikingrealizationof"Hey,perhapsI'mnottheonlyone!!".Havingherword,quiteoften,expressalmostexactlyhowIfeelaboutcertainaspectsofmylifegivesmehopethatperhapsthisworldisn'tadisgusting"network"of"connections"andselfishnessandinjusticeandstupidityandignorance.Imean,she'sproducedbytheseproducersright?EvenpeopleintheTVbusinessarecool!Allhopeisnotlost!MaybeI'llgotocollegeandfindsomeJaneLanesofmyown!MaybeevenaTrent/Tommash-upthatwillbetheloveofmylife(okayI'mgoingtoofarandhopingtoomuchhere.Butonecanalwaysimagine.CuzSpongebobsaidso.Sothere.)!MaybeIWON'Tbealonerfortherestofmylife.MaybenexttimeI'mfeelingreallysadandalone,Wwon'tbetheonlyoneIcancall.MaybeI'llactuallywritesomethingdecentoneday.MaybeIAMgoingtofindsomethingI'mreallytalentedin.MaybeI'llfindsomethingIwanttodofortherestofmylife('kay,fine,justsomethingIdon'tabhoranddetestmyselffordoingeveryday.Orz).MaybeI'llbereallycontentoneday.Atleastthat'showshemakesmefeel.--||.Thatthisteenagethingreallywon'tlastforever.ThatthereAREkindredsoulsoutthere(youknowwhatAnneShirley?Ihateyou.I'vesearchingforkindredsoulssincegrade4.Allbecauseofyou.AndsofarI'veonlyfoundone.Andshe'sjustas/almostas/maybeevenmoreweirdthanme.WhichIsupposeisgood.OkayI'vejustlostmypoint.--).[Gosh,allthisemotion(mostlyhopefulnessandoptimism)isreallymakingmesick.Idon'tevenneedtomorrowtomakemecringe.--]SometimesIthink(okay,OFTENITHINK)thatmaybeI'mactuallytryingreallyhardtomakemyself"weird"and"different".PerhapsI'mnot.Maybe,maybeprobably,I'mjustasmundaneandboringasthenextperson.I'mnot"destinedforsomethinggreat".IWON'Tcreateanythingworthwhileinmylife.Iwon'teverbecomereallyreallywell-readandknowledgeableabouteverything.Myconverstionalskillswillremainforeverawkwardandawkwardandawkward..Butonecanalwayshope.xDMaybeshuttingmyselfinalldayplayingPrincessMaker3/readingbooks/cramminginworldhistory/doingaDariamarathonforthefirsttimeinmylifefrom7to1isn'tsuchagoodideaforalassofmytenderage(harhar,thatwasajoke.Laugh.--Orsomething.)..ButafterwatchingDariagraduatehighschool(yes,wathcingacartooncharactergraduatefromafictionallearninginstitutionoftenleadsmetoeuphoricmomentslikethis.It'strue.),forsomeoddandinexplicablereason,Ithinkeverythingwillturnouttobeokay.